nothing. A weak, guileless, decent man is sure to fail. Only shameless scoundrels, scum, smooth operators, and geszefciarze637 instantaneously switch to the new conditions and adapt to them perfectly. They have been speculating throughout July and August, but this is about to end, so they have immediately obtained good positions in the Community and are already throwing their weight around. They have their middlemen, solicitors, and snoopers. They demand bribes and tributes. They are benefiting from and preying on the misery of the weak.
1 September. How is one supposed to live? One cannot work, because Jews are being dismissed on a large scale. One cannot sleep at night, because there are searches and arrests and people are combed out to perform forced labour. Besides, our flat has been confiscated by Ukrainians, who were generous enough to give us a week to move. But I do not know what I will do in a week. Nobody will take me in. I have no money for middlemen, and even if I find a room without a middleman I must pay rent for five out of six weeks in advance. But all I have is a borrowed hundred roubles, which is twenty zlotys or ten marks. What about food? Requirements become more and more reduced with every day. Two hundred grams of coupon bread (and not even every day), two soup rations, potatoes – what more can one desire? And what about going for walks, moving about, or visiting other people? You want too much. Let’s leave! Yes, let’s go home, but how? This is a utopia! If I sell my last clothes – yes, this is the only option – I can at least buy two kilograms of fatback! But what then? It does not matter, because nobody thinks about the long run. Everybody is focused on surviving the next day. Every day is a victory. Why, during the day they take people away, drag them out of bed, deport them to camps, beat them, rob them, or execute them on the street. Consequently, every survived hour is like winning a lottery. Nobody would bet a penny on surviving the next day.
[37] 3 September. I am sick. I have not slept or eaten for a few days. I am in so much pain that neither opium nor morphine provides any relief. Sleepless nights filled with pain and intense, constant suffering. Unable to hold anything down, I stop eating. It is no surprise, for my diet used to be milk, butter, white bread and eggs – things I have not seen since 22 June. Instead, I have been poisoning myself with brown bread, vegetables, and
