26 September. Warsaw. We arrive at night! We alight perfectly calmly, as before the war. My heart trembles for the first time due to something that cannot be called anything other than a feeling of longing, sentiment. I do not know what [exactly I am feeling] but for the first time in my life I can feel how many emotional ties connect me with this city. The next day I cross the street. I do not recognise the old familiar places, because they have all been furrowed by bombs. The ever light-hearted, carefree, proud, nonchalant Warsaw. Marszałkowska Street – my heart trembles again, this time stronger. Memories come rushing back. Oh, my heart, be quiet! Silence! You cannot do that!
[46] 29 September. On my way home! What do I care about anything else? I want peace and family warmth! Enough of the loneliness and abandonment! My illness regressed yesterday. The attacks are becoming worse. I know that the surgery is unavoidable, but I will have good care before and afterwards.
I do not know what awaits me in the future, when the war will end, what fate I shall meet, or if I have already been through the worst. The only thing I know is that today I ended a very important stage of my wartime life – the refugee stage! My two-year wandering and pilgrimage ended today. Did I do the right thing when I left Warsaw on 7 September 1939? I do not know. I think that I should not have fled. On the other hand, I had many intense experiences over those two years… . How many stupid, rash decisions has every one of us made since 1 September 1939? It remains unknown how many stupid things everybody has done and avoided. Today we still do not know who was more stupid, who was smarter, what was stupid, and what was not. We shall not know until after the war. The only thing I know is that the greatest wise men did the most stupid things over those two years and that one cannot follow other people’s footsteps, do what others do, or rely on what the majority does. One must follow one’s own instinct with self-assurance the moment one makes the first decision. One cannot fear risk. One needs to risk everything and not hesitate, because the wavering contractors and people with the let’s-wait-until-tomorrow attitude have lost. This is the philosophy I have learned throughout those two years, so I do not regret anything even though I could have bettered my situation a hundred times. I do not know which of the things that I have been through I could have avoided. I still do not know what I can avoid in the future. The only thing I know is that I want to go back home.
End of part two.
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