it proved impossible, as the main librarian was absent and the keys were in
the hands of the occupiers. I did not manage to hide my library in any factory
warehouse, either, because the managers and storemen were afraid of their
subordinates, German clerks. Consequently, my library remained in Łódź,
and with the whole building requisitioned by the German gendarmerie, one
can assume that the library was requisitioned too, or perhaps even pulped
for reuse. Together with the library, I have lost notes on various issues which
I had taken for 30 years, my already created and just started research works,
which cost me many years of effort and which can never be recreated for lack
of notes and books. I had to accept the loss of my library with a heavy heart.
I tried to save my notes and studies, but I failed in that respect too, and it all
was lost together with my possessions.
Every day my friends would tell us about new routes to cross the River
Bug, new guides, and costs. We were receiving bad news also with regard to
this issue: this or that friend purportedly did not manage to cross the river, or
one had to wait for weeks in the border zone or in Warsaw for an opportunity.
At the same time, ‘absurd news’ about the arrival of the ‘Reds’ was spreading
(we called it bald kumen)⁸¹ and the most specific dates, which remained
just pium desiderium,⁸² were given. People were saying that some posters in
Lwów and Białystok were announcing the arrival of the ‘Reds’ [. . .], exchange
of Lwów or the Małopolska territories.
[4] We were living as if on a volcano on the one hand and as on a journey
on the other. We had some of our things packed in case our flat was requisitioned,
and some in backpacks and suitcases in case of a sudden departure
from Łódź. At the same time, we intended to send some of our things by train
but we could not decide where to send them because we had different plans
regarding our departure: to our Christian friends near Warsaw, to friends in
Warsaw, or to my wife’s sister in Kraków. I did not know whether I would
leave with my wife or go on my own and she would then join me. So that factor
also influenced the selection of things to be sent.
I needed to be very careful when moving around the city; so as not to
attract the attention of those who were best avoided and not to remind them
of me. From time to time I met my Christian friends, who informed me about
81 (Yiddish) they shall come soon.
82 (Latin) wishful thinking.
